Everyone has those friends where when you were both single, they were fun to be around and easy going but as soon as they get in a relationship, they either totally forget you exist or start getting on at you to get in a relationship yourself. You can imagine my distress when a good mate of mine started this nonsense.

It all started over a mate’s flat. A bunch of my girlfriends and I were having brunch and got talking about relationships. One of my friends has been desperate to get married for a long time now and the rest of us were teasing her about it in a good-natured way. What started off as good-natured banter soon turned heated when she stated that when she gets into a relationship, she plans to ditch her girlfriends and concentrate solely on her man.

My response – ‘Are you kidding me?!’ What planet is this chick on? She might as well be saying that as soon as she meets a guy that’s interested in her, she would quit living her own life and start living his! Get me right on this; there is nothing wrong with getting swept up by a new relationship. They are exciting and you’re getting to know this person which means time invested in them. But to cut out your friends because of some dude – C’mon!

Problem with this is I’ve seen it happen time and time again. I have friends I used to be very close to drift away because some guy came into their lives. A friend of mine is currently dealing with this issue. Her good friend met a guy after coming out a really bad relationship. She jumps straight into her new relationship neglecting her friends, making plans and ditching her at the last minute and so on. Then things went south with the guy and guess who comes crawling back with her tail between her legs?

The problem with this scenario is the chick made some bad choices while she was still dating her dude. She would call her single friends to talk about how deprived their lives were because they didn’t have someone in their lives. Trying to correct her and make her see that being single isn’t a step before suicide; she would get in your face and say you are in denial as well as lonely and pitiful. Of course she would say this with a smile and coated in an ‘I’m concerned for you’ sort of way. She got worse and would compare other people’s relationships to her own and of course it never measured up. She would call her friends up to moan about someone else’s relationship and how her boyfriend wouldn’t do this or that but the other person’s boyfriend would.

My tolerance levels are quite high but this kind of behaviour would drive me crazy. I am happily single and it was a choice I made that I need no discussions on. Years ago I went through a similar situation with a friend. My mate went so far as to only attend events that were couple-oriented. If you were planning an event, she would find a way to slide in a comment on how you were trying to over-compensate because you don’t have someone as fabulous in your life as she did. It was the little things that built up to cause the break down of that friendship.

Thinking about the friend that made the comment, it got me accessing what it is about her character that makes her act in such a manner. Is it desperation? Neediness? What would make a normal rational person do a complete 360 simply because they met someone willing to do life with them if only for a short while? I don’t get it. I do know that she’s been trying to find someone for some time and not having any luck so when she meets the guy, it’s like she hit the jackpot. Having been on both sides of the fence though, both the single and attached circles, I must say I don’t understand it. You have a life before you met this person and though being in a relationship is exciting and you want to spend every moment with the person, it surely doesn’t change who you are. Your friends are not suddenly incomplete compared to you. She truly believes that I’m career focused because of loneliness as opposed to her opinion before meeting her boyfriend which was that I was like that because I’m ambitious! Please note my ambitions didn’t change when I was involved with my ex!

I need to understand this because as it stands, I feel like friendship with her is a lost cause for as long as her mindset is what it is. I want her to be happy in her relationship but I also want my friends never to approach me with stupid, narrow-minded points of view simply because they moved from a single state to being a part of a couple. What do you guys think? Is this normal? Is it just the euphoria of a relatively new relationship? Or do you think she needs her head checked? I would hate to see how she reacts to them fighting or, hell forbid, them breaking up. Total meltdown!