An interesting experience I had with a friend of mine has gotten me thinking about dating and all the expectations associated with it. Let me explain. I recently enjoyed some pampering from a good friend of mine by reason of default. It all started one afternoon at work. I was bored and restless and he was feeling in the mood to ‘baby’ me. I jokingly suggested dinner and he, to my shock and delight, agreed to cook for me that evening on the condition I find my own way to his house.

I quickly agreed and after running all my errands that evening, ended up at his apartment in delightful anticipation of the meal prepared in my honour. I was not disappointed. The meal was delicious and after stuffing myself full of all the delicacies he had set in front of me, I slowly reclined my seat in an attempt to find a more comfortable position for my now filled and protruding stomach. That was when I heard the question: ‘Now what are you going to do for me?’

I was in shock. I wasn’t expecting to have to ‘give’ him anything. I thought that the meal was all a kind gesture in an attempt to help me forget all about my long day. I didn’t know it would require something of me in return! Now don’t get me wrong. I believe love is giving and that goes both ways. But please don’t get this situation mixed up with anything it actually isn’t. We are friends and have been for a long while. We are not in a romantic relationship although we do show each other acts of kindness due to the level of relationship we have. But give him what exactly?

After my initial shock, horror and fear at being ‘caught out’, I lay back down again (the strain of sitting up was getting too much for my over-stuffed belly!) and laughed. I suggested making him dinner at a later date or even taking him out somewhere as my treat. Expecting a satisfied look on his face and getting none, I was forced to sit back up again and ask: ‘What exactly did you have in mind?’

Now in the often cruel, yet exciting world of dating, this is something that often occurs. I have heard the stories and tasted the waters myself enough to know that most people out there have some sort of expectation from the other person they are dating or even people you are in contact with. Titles bear with them different expectations and most go unfulfilled because no one actually asks the question that would bear the answer and help you achieve that.

There are many examples to this. The title ‘best friend’ comes with the expectation that the other person knows you so well. They’re your anchor, your shield and your pillow when you need to cry, throw tantrums or even scream. They are the family you wish you had. They are the contact when no one else would do. The thing is the other person didn’t know all this when they signed up for the job. They just agreed to the title because you were fun and didn’t seem to have all the baggage which you are now showcasing.

What then about the title ‘Boyfriend/Girlfriend’? The expectations are too numerous to list. Asking my friend (no titles here!) this question seems to open up a can of worms I wasn’t ready to deal with. It also showed me that men think very differently to women. Now I know most people knew that already but indulge me. Actually, for those that seem to already know, maybe you can impact some wisdom into the matter at hand. I want to know: How does cooking me dinner mean that I have to have sex with you?

Yes, I asked the question! I was confused. Now my friend didn’t ask me this question outright but I’ve been there before. I know I should have learnt my lesson but I thought as there were no titles, there would be no expectations. I guess I was wrong on that front! Anyway back to the issue at hand.

Why would a man, after displaying kindness to a person of the opposite sex, demand sex in return? I didn’t ask why he would demand a car or dinner, I said sex! No matter how nice the meal, why would you imagine that it’s enough for you to get into my most intimate parts? I’ve asked questions in the past from colleagues, friends and even strangers. The conclusions drawn from such questioning always lead back to the expectations associated with giving of yourself to someone else. It seems these expectations are also seeping into the woman’s psyche because she feels the only way to show gratitude is by dropping her pants but I beg to differ.

I’m not here to give any answers; merely to ask them. Does it show respect or even sincerity to do something for someone having an expectation such as that in mind? What if the other person doesn’t want to give that much of themselves? Would you feel used because of it? My thought has always been that anyone who demands more of me than I’m prepared to give and is not willing to wait, is not worth having whatever it is they are demanding of me. It works both ways. Women can demand of men the very things they are not ready to release.

The bottom line is that we, as singletons, as humans, are selfish and can’t seem to give without expecting something in return. But no matter what you’re giving and no matter the cost to you, surely you have no right to demand of the other person something as deep rooted as sexual intercourse? That’s the only act that ties you to someone else. For me, unless you are legally, emotionally, financially and soulically tied to me, there is no reason to demand so much of me. If that’s the case, then I would cook my own dinner!