I’ve recently made the choice to join my local gym. This decision isn’t something that’s new; in fact I have wasted many a coin joining different gyms but never fully utilising their facilities. This time though, it’s different. I am more than ready to get my body in shape and be healthy and look more toned.

Why then is this time different? Well you see I was a discussion with a friend of mine who was lamenting about his girlfriend and her insecurities.  He was telling me of how beautiful she is to him He commented on her eyes, nose, ears, eyelids, and hair but not once did he mention her body. Now before you aim the arrows at my head, this piece of information is not important but it was the way he deliberately would not talk about her in totality that got me curious.

Maybe I should backtrack a bit so you can understand where I’m coming from.  We have a very close relationship and he confides in me so it is not unusual for him to tell me exactly what he finds attractive in other women, or not in some cases. He often tells me things I don’t necessarily want to hear but that is the beauty of our relationship.

On this particular occasion, he was telling me of a girl he had seen walk past and how nice he thought her legs were. I wasn’t interested in listening but when has that ever stopped him?! That was when he started telling me ofa fight he had had with his girlfriend the night before. My interest peaked.

Humans in general tend to be naturally curious. We tend to want to explore different things and often find ourselves attracted to the very things we are unsure of. The mystery of a thing tends to add to its appeal. That is why the information he gave me of their fight really peaked my interest.

I have never been a particularly insecure person. It stems from growing up in a house where I was the apple of my parent’s eye. In between, life happened and though I went through a stage where I had no self-esteem to speak of, that time has long since passed and  for the major part of it, I’m now very confident in my own skin. His girlfriend however is very different to me.  From his description of her, she is physically beautiful but it seems no one has yet to tell her of it!

Their fight stemmed from the fact that she is so self conscious, she refuses to let him see any part of her naked. Even in clothes, she is constantly seeking a compliment just to make her feel she is sexy enough. When the compliments do come, she is always the first one to disregard them and believe the worst of herself.

Funny but hearing this got me thinking. There are many women out there who are uncomfortable with their bodies. They don’t like their thighs; their bums are too big; their stomachs spill over their pants – there is always something not quite right with the package. I’m just as guilty. A friend of mine once said to me that it’s a human thing – we simply are never content.

Well that might be true but some cases are more extreme than others. Some women can not have sexual relations with their partners with the lights on simply because they are conscious of their bodies. Some husbands, as extreme as this may sound, are frustrated because they have never seen their wives naked and feel they haven’t fully encountered all of her yet due to her insecurities. So where does the line blur? I’ve joined the gym (a martial arts one because it’s more fun!) not because I am conscious of my body but because like millions of women around the globe, I would like my stomach flatter.

This doesn’t stop me from wearing my favourite tops. Unlike some, I tend to like my flaws rather than hate them. That’s my trick. I remember when I was younger and just experimenting with a shaving stick. It caused me to have a skin reaction (I have very sensitive skin!) which means that my legs resembled a old crocodile. Whenever I would wear a skirt or anything that showed my legs, people, strangers would come up to me and insult me – to my face! That was when I decided that if I wanted to ever live my life with no complexes, I would have to love the very things about myself I’m supposed to hate.

I love my legs. They’re not as bad now as when the irritation first started but whether anyone else likes them or not, I love my legs. Yet I have a friend whose legs are smoother than mine but she would never show them. She thinks they’re ugly and even her husband has never seen her legs. I don’t know how she managed that but I can only assume he’s frustrated.

So then people, when you become too conscious of your body to have a fulfilled sexual and emotional life, what do you do? Do you keep trying to hide from the world and live in constant darkness? Do you live each day allowing your insecurities to consume you and eat you up? Or do you decide to love yourself just the way you are?

I know that people can suggest surgery and so on as alternatives but do they really deal with the real issue? If you can’t be with your partner comfortably without the lights off, surely the issues there go deeper than any surgery could fix? I could have my legs and stomach fixed but if I hate myself, I would just find some other part of me to complain about.

What is the conclusion then? Where is the line to be drawn? I don’t know if I can fully answer that. I can only tell you as I’ve done what has worked for me and recommend that we start seeing ourselves as we really are. I find the human race so fascinating and beautiful even with all our flaws and shortcomings. I’m a rare breed did you not know? There’s no one else like me in the whole world. I had better start loving myself because I am worthy of it. I can’t afford to be insecure because that would mean I don’t understand my worth and people I do. Maybe that is the conclusion.