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Should I stay or should I go?

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I once heard someone say that if she found out her man was cheating, she would turn a blind eye to it and move on.  That is to say she would carry on as ‘normal’ in the relationship while pretending that nothing was going on.  She said this because she doesn’t believe it is possible for a man not to cheat.  The important thing according to her is that after he has done the deed, he returns and stays with her.

Not for me!  I’m so far away from that point of view that we are on two different continents.  Denial for her is the way to go.  Confronting the issue and dealing with it is my way.  Hear me out a second.

Do all men cheat?  Is there some sort of code in a man’s brain that says no matter how happy or satisfied he is in a relationship, he must still ‘branch out’ and try new waters?  Is there something that he just can’t help that makes him do it?

Eddie Murphy said in his 80’s show, ‘Raw’, that men have to sleep around.  It is in their nature.  No matter what the woman does, as the man, he must cheat.  Is that really the case?  If it is, then woe betide all women.

That means a woman must enter the relationship knowing that she would be hurt, betrayed and let down.  Surely she would choose to stay on her own instead! At least then she could control the events which happen to her and the encounters which follow.

So the question is ‘If you catch your mate cheating, would you stay with them and say “That’s just the way life goes!” or would you leave them so far behind they would be eating your dust?’  It’s a tough one.

On the basis that the reasons for staying are simply because cheating is just the done thing, I would simply leave them to it.  Don’t get me wrong, each situation needs to be assessed individually. If you are married with three kids and your husband cheats, I doubt you would be so eager to walk away.

However, you are not married.  You are both still getting to know each other.  Maybe you are engaged and about to be married.  I’m sorry but saying that’s just how men are doesn’t fly with me.

I was reading an article in the Times newspaper (and I paraphrase) of a woman who, 6 days before her wedding, found out that her fiance regularly visits gay saunas and has sex with nameless men.  He appealed to her not to cancel the wedding on the basis that he doesn’t believe he is gay but just that he has had it tough with women and finds the men less intimidating.  She was then debating whether or not to stay and help him through his issues.

People, surely this is madness!  No one can tell me that they would stay in such a situation.  Whether you are male or female, think about it for just a second!  The betrayal is surely too great to stay.  What if she does stay with him and he NEVER visits a gay sauna again or sleeps with another man?  Good on her I say but the feeling of insecurity stemming from that betrayal would always be there.

Okay, I believe in the ACT of forgiveness.  I really do.  Im classified as Christian after all.  But this for me is a no-brainer.  You might turn around and say that Jesus told us to forgive seventy times seven times (basically infinetly as you’re sure to lose count!) but he also instructed us to ACT WITH WISDOM.  I could forgive him for his betrayal but it doesn’t mean I have to stay with him.

I can appreciate that there is a fine line to tread here but staying with someone after they cheat on you on the basis that that’s just human nature is ridiculous to me.  If you are going to tell me what Jesus says about forgiveness, surely you would also know where he stands with fornication and adultery!

Should you stay or should you go?  Ultimately only you can decide.  Seeing as we find ourselves here though, I say that anyone who would discard your trust and treat you with such disrespect, doesn’t deserve you.

In some cases, such as the sacred union of marriage, I would say (as I have never been married!), take a break, seek a way to truly forgive and start over.  Find out why he or she felt the need to ’step out’ on you and try something new and different to salvage and mend your relationship.  What was it about that encounter that made your partner unable to resist it?  Find that out and start to get to know each other and your temptations.

But staying with someone that has hurt you when you don’t have to, or can’t truly forgive, is not wise.  Feelings of insecurity, self-worth and lack of trust would inevitably break that relationship.  If it doesn’t, it would surely break you!  I don’t believe that we should let ourselves become damaged by other people, especially if we can help it!

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