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Fool for lust

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desire Walking out of the theatre late one Wednesday evening, I remember thinking to myself, so what is this thing called love?  I had just finished watching a play centred on two characters that could not see past one another.  They hated each other and at the same time ‘loved’ one another.  Their passion was destructive and disintegrating to both of them.

So is that love?  Is passionately caring for someone meant to destroy you in the process? Can you love and have it last without ever feeling this way?  I do not pretend to have all the answers but looking back over my experience of this thing called ‘love’, I can honestly conclude that I might have had it wrong all along.

Throughout life, we as individuals go through so many different phases.  There are moments where all we can do or think about revolves around our academic life.  It’s funny. On my way back from a ‘night about town’, a friend of mine and I walked past a university campus and saw some students walking around seemingly carefree.  Our comments centred on reminiscing of the ‘good old days’ when we didn’t have to think about work, mortgage and everything else life has to throw at the average ‘adult’.  We were students and unashamed!

The thing I’ve noticed about memories is that they are sugar-coated.  The pain we felt as students on the grind were somehow forgotten and we could only focus on the fact that we didn’t have to worry about getting up to go to work and everything else.  We were still under pressure as students but somehow the grass seemed greener on the other side!

I’ve been through so many phases and this is the same in relationships.  There are times when you might feel you’re not ready to deal with a committed relationship and all you want is to be on your own and do things your way.  Then there are those times when all you can think about is getting with someone and being able to share your life with him or her.

This play, for some reason, struck a cord in me.  The illusions I had about what ‘love’ was were exposed,if only to me.  This couple, for the majority of the play, could not stand each other.  About 5 minutes to the end, they passionately make up and everything is rosy again as if sex really does fix a dying relationship!

The thing is, while the lady was angry with the guy, she said so much about all he was doing to show he wasn’t the one for her.  Somehow though, that got lost in the heat of things and she went back to him though she knew he was all wrong for her.

This could have been a different scenario but the message is always the same.  I love you for a moment and hate you for a lifetime.  As long as it’s not in that order, we’re OK.  So it leads me back to asking the question – ’so what is love?’.

I know ‘love’ could mean a lot of different things to different people but I’m asking about the kind of love that brings about unity.  Let’s get in sync here and see if a conclusion can be drawn.  How do we differentiate between ‘love’ and infatuation?  What about ‘love’ and lust?  The emotions shared between the two characters for me do not sum up love.  It screamed of lust.  After they were both spent, they returned to fighting and hating each other.

The illusions I had were that once you meet that person that drives you crazy with passion, one you couldn’t live without, everything just sorts itself out.  Boy did I get a reality check!  I see now that the point is to be ‘good all by yourself’ because it means you’re well adjusted enough to add to someone else’s life.  If you can’t enjoy your own company, how do you expect others to enjoy your company?  Surely love is about sharing.  How can you share when you don’t understand how you work and what you like?  Sure, there’s a whole new dimension to you that would be revealed once you are with someone who’s right for you but you must have something to bring to the table otherwise you would just drain the other person.

A healthy relationship breeds value and adds to you.  I most definitely do not want to be a fool for love, especially if it’s the wrong kind.  I’m still learning what love is but at least I’m now seeing what love is not!  Love is not angry or impatient.  It’s definitely not jealous and would not make me insecure.  It would not hurt me or make me cry.

To know what love is I’ve learnt I have to know what it’s not.  How else can I know when it’s right?

One Comment »

  • The SinnrMan said:

    Love is Pain
    Love is Vicious
    Love is Unfair
    Love is Lonely
    Love is Cruel
    Love lingers
    Love hurts
    Love numbs
    Love is blind
    But yet I still love

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