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Act the Fool




Isn’t life just grand?! Now I know everyone has one of those days where you’re just reflecting on things you’ve been through in your life.  People who have hurt you, things that you have had to struggle and fight through.

Well I’m having one of those moments.  I’ve been through some things in my time – some good, some bad and some were just plain ugly.  Now I’m talking about the kind of issues you go through that are so fat, so bald, so ugly you end up wondering ‘How did I end up here?’

As a female, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that some proportion of these issues have something to do with the gender ‘male’.  Well let me ease your misery.  The issues that I will share with you during the course of this piece might be the fat, balding, grimy and UUUUGGGGLLLLYYYY kind. The kind that most women (or at least me and my girlfriends) have been through that leaves you on the verge of insanity.

I was about to go to bed when I had a thought that stopped me in my tracks.  It was so mind-boggling, so utterly shocking that I had to write it down.  Here it is.  Why o why would a man spend all his time, money and energy chasing after a girl if at the end of it all, he’s just going to act the fool?!

Now I know this is a question that women have been asking for centuries but I’m very much concerned with an answer that works for me right now.  The truth is I’ve been on the receiving end of such affections and it ended up in tears – MY tears.  I know I’m not the only one who has this question or even the only one who has been through this experience but let’s attempt to shed some light on it shall we?

It still amazes me when I see other women, young and old, going through the motions I went through and coming out with the same results I did.  I went through it with my first ever boyfriend.  Before him, I had never had any serious relationships, merely casual dates with friends that never went anywhere. There was no boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship before I met this dude, who for all intents and purposes I’m going to label ‘Mr Not Serious’.

I’ve always enjoyed my freedom and when I met Mr Not Serious, I was not looking for a relationship, at least not with him.  I actually really liked his friend, Mr So Fine.  Mr So Fine was very cute and all my friends wanted him.  Difference was he wanted me!

Now in my eyes Mr Not Serious was not as cute as Mr So Fine.  He didn’t walk with the same swagger or approach me with the same smooth lines and so didn’t have a shot in hell.  Mr So Fine and I got along for a short period as very good friends but never really made the steps to being anything else.  It all sort of faded away into oblivion and that was that.

The point is Mr Not Serious didn’t give up.  For three years I had flowers, poetry, even had music written about me.  He was so persistent that he became the best thing since iced tea in my eyes after a while.  Ladies, have you noticed that a guy can be so determined to get you that after a while, he stops being irritating and starts being safe?

I don’t know how it happened but before I knew it, he was my first point of call on a bad day and occasionally on good ones.  I got so used to the red carpet treatment that I decided to give him a chance.  Boy what a mistake!  I got so far involved with Mr Not Serious that it almost became an obsession.  He went from being an absolute dream to being my worst nightmare – but I couldn’t get out, I was too far in.  I gave him everything – EVERYTHING – just to have him tell me that he could leave me at any time and I should just move on and forget him.

He started disappearing for weeks with no contact and would come back out of the blue with the most bizarre stories.  It was living hell!  I was tortured and tormented all in the name of love and the fact that I had invested too much in the relationship to get out!  Pride was not an issue, it was all lost in the hope that if I gave it all, he might find some reason to stay and give some back.

That didn’t happen. He’d spent over three years trying to woo me just to finally get with me and pretty much waste the chance of really having me.  That might sound drastic and harsh and so many questions such as ‘Why did you stay?’ might be asked but it was too late for questions.  I finally cut loose because thankfully I had not lost all respect for myself and in between takes of torment and disrespect, I awakened to the fact that I was worth much more.

I woke up to the fact that I didn’t need him to validate me – I was fine all by myself.  Just as he found me attractive, others will too and I really didn’t need a man to justify me.  So I walked out the door, didn’t turn around because believe me, he wasn’t welcome in my heart no more.

Now it wasn’t easy but it sure as hell was necessary.  I believe it took a special grace to get me out before permanent damage could be done (to him of course!) but God, as always, came through for me.

Ok so the point here is WHY? Why did he go through all that trouble just to have me for a few months and ACT THE FOOL during that time?  It wasn’t all bad but the bad far outweighed the good so it definitely wasn’t worth it.  I wonder, was it worth it for him?

He spent a lot of money and time on me.  Was all that aggravation worth it?  Forget the money he even spent on me, what about the emotional toll it must have had on him.  Men if you are reading, maybe you could help us ladies out.  Why? Why do it? What do you stand to gain?  Surely you are losing more than you are gaining in such a scenario.

Now my case is mild compared to some stories I’ve heard.  Mine involved no physical abuse and the emotional torture was minimal.  May I make a suggestion though? Ladies, I know it’s easy to place all the blame on the men but I’ll be woman enough to admit it – I could have treated him so much better in the three years when he was still trying to impress me.  I could have been nicer, treated him, and inevitably myself, much better and then maybe we could have had a different outcome.

There are no guarantees in this game called love but there are some factors and players we can control – OURSELVES.  The men must bear some (or in some cases, the majority) of the blame but I do not in any way intend to go down a male-bashing path; it can only end in misery.  There is no logical reason (and I know men claim to be logical creatures) why a man would waste all that time and effort (and it is a waste) chasing after something he has no intention of keeping and taking care of.

Would you go after that dream job just to get it and quit before pay-day?  Or even go after trying to buy that classic car you’ve always wanted, just to deliberately crash it as you drive out of the dealer shop?  You wouldn’t do such a thing to something precious so please take it easy when dealing with us women.  As much as we talk, some louder than others, we are gems to be treasured, even the very worse of us.

Treat a woman as you would your most prized possessions and you would be surprised at how much you would get back in return.  We as women have the power to make you smile C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T-L-Y and put you in a position to go out and make the best of yourself.  With that knowledge in mind, you had better treasure us!

I believe no threats are necessary, just a word of encouragement.  To both sexes though, let’s try and treat each other with respect.  It would draw out the best in the other person, making your journey of discovery most satisfying and pleasurable!


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