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rageWonders shall never end! I woke up this morning feeling slightly tired (the fact that I got in at 4am might have contributed to that but who knows!) and extremely grouchy. I was enjoying my sleep when my brother decided that waking me up in the worse possible way was the way to go. Trying to keep cool (well as cool as you can be when you are being shaken awake), I turn and try to go back to sleep…Nope!  Not happening! Well I got up and I thought about it…brothers can be soooo annoying but wait, is this how its going to be when I’m married!? Am I going to be woken up in the mornings – MY MORNINGS!!! – with a shake and a song? It better not be the case. Well I know, you’re thinking why is she talking about marriage? How does this relate? Indulge me and you’ll find out!

OK so I’ve been thinking a lot recently about marriage and what makes some work and why some so quickly (as quickly as 18hrs!) fall apart. Surely you knew before getting into it that this person had faults but you were in love with them and willing to overlook or tolerate these inadequacies! … So what happens? How does one decide to forego their freedom and sleep (O sweet sleep!) to spend their lives caring and sharing with another human being? Now I know we humans…yes all of us…are selfish beings! We don’t like the possibility of anything that would disturb our free will, our freedom or our free sleep!!! That’s why we hate it so much when someone even attempts to tell us what to do. So why then make that jump into marriage or even a relationship that lasts longer than say four months? I really, honestly, sincerely don’t know…Its one of life’s many great mysteries. But I have a theory.

OK are you ready for it!?…Are you sure? Cause I want no screaming from your end…I think, no I believe, its because we were not designed to be alone!…AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH what, we weren’t designed to enjoy sleep that lasts more that a few hours? I’m afraid not…unless you’re real lucky to find someone who loves sleep more than you do…although that might become a problem at some stage! Were we not designed, you might wonder, to go through life with no heartaches, no pain? No we weren’t.

We were designed for relationship, to share, to love, to laugh (can you imagine sitting by yourself in your bedroom and laughing hysterically by yourself! – You can – where is the psyche ward? Doc, I think we have a runaway patient here!) We were designed for relationship…or so I believe. It doesn’t necessary mean that by relationship I only mean with the opposite sex. It could be with family, friends, animals (WHAT!?…stop looking at me like that…some people love and treat their four legged friends better than their two legged ones!!) I believe as humans, we thrive on relationships! Now I could go on and on, but let me say this. I figured something out this morning, as I was yelling at my brother and wishing he lived in a galaxy far far away, that I actually do not want to be left by myself with no-one to love me or even bother me in the mornings. I feel a sense of security in knowing my big brother (yes, he is older than me although this morning you won’t have known it!) is there.

When I crashed my car into this lovely ‘fella’ who thought it appropriate to start yelling at me like he couldn’t see I was already stressed out, I just wanted to get home and crawl under my duvet. On getting home, I ran to my room and my brother came in (I didn’t want him there but thank God he was home!) asking what was wrong. Even though I was screaming at him to get out of my face, he got me to tell him I had had an accident and he ran downstairs thinking the person was still there that had given his annoying little sister an ear full so he could repay the favour (isn’t that love!? Almost makes the morning’s madness worth it…no…its still madness to wake me up by shaking me and singing to me!…sorry, got distracted…where were we?). He saw the car and started enquiring to get it fixed, putting my mind at ease that it wouldn’t cost too much to get it done, that it wasn’t as bad and so on. By the end of the hour, I was feeling so good, I went (with that same car!) to get my hair done and was feeling much better! Imagine I didn’t have him. I don’t know if I would have left my bed that day or even maybe for two days after. Relationships, the right kinds, are so important in our growth as people at differing stages of our lives.

So did I go through all that just to tell you I love my big brother? No. I went through all that to explore the meaning of the right kind of relationship and what might constitute the wrong kind. We all have relations with someone; be it our neighbours, our husbands/wives, our children, our siblings, our colleagues, our friends, whoever it may be; we have to relate with other people everyday. Why is this so important I felt the need to write about it? I couldn’t possibly cover all my reasons in this one article (so I’m planning to write much more!!…Watch this space people!) But let me try explaining this particular piece.

I’ve recently been on the road to self-discovery and I’m getting to know who I am and what I was made for.  If for all of my ramblings, all you take away is this, then I am satisfied. We need to start with ourselves.

I’m sure you’re thinking – Start what? Let me tell you. Start building the right kind of relationships by looking inward first. The right kinds of relationships are the kinds that add value to you and the other party. The kind that fortifies you rather than tear you down. The kind that doesn’t hurt or wound you but constantly challenges you to be better. The kind that you can be proud to showcase, not the kind where guilt and shame are your foundations. If you can’t be around someone without constantly being angry or hurt or tearful or insecure or even ending up in a sick bay, then that is definitely not the right kind of relationship I’m talking about.

So how do you build this kind of relationship by looking inward? I believe the only person you can control is yourself. It takes two baby! But you can help the situation by not yelling regardless of how mad they make you. Think of the things you bring to the table when you meet someone new? What are the things that everyone around you complains about in you? Fix it. I’ve been learning that the problem is not ALL out there, some of it is in here too.

By looking inward and starting with ourselves first, we can learn to tolerate a lot more in other people because we start to see that we are not as perfect as we would like to believe ourselves to be. We always have an excuse when we do something wrong because we go based on our intentions and not on the effect of our actions. If we start to look inward, we would have a lot more lasting relationships and marriages out there because people would be willing to work through the challenges and see life through other people’s lenses more. Or if it’s just so we can see ourselves the way others see us, the whole issue of relationship would be a lot easier to discuss.

Even in the extreme case of wanting to see if you can overcome your selfish nature and put someone else first at all times, our families, our relationships, our communities would be all the more better for it. If we are to change anything, we have to do it one person at a time.  So I’m not just ‘preaching’ at you – simply reflecting. I’m going to start with myself first with the expectation it helps me deal with everyone else and their issues easier, better and definitely more effectively as I progress.  Well at least that is my hope… Only time will tell.  Till next time folks!

2 Comments »

  • Z1 guy said:

    A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

    Sent from my iPad 4G

  • frontierville said:

    Veneration promises and you’ll lie almost your brainpower

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