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Fighting fit

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Sepia toned portrait of a girl with red boxing gloves“We’ve got to fight for this love. If its worth having its worth fighting for. Quitting is out of the question. When it gets hard got to fight some more.”

These are the lyrics of a song that has been floating around inside my head. Whilst the tune is indeed very catchy, it’s not the melody that gave me cause to pause this morning. See when the song was first released, I didn’t necessarily pay particular attention to its lyrics. The artist had recently dealt with the revelation that her husband had been cheating on her and against all the unwelcome media advice that she should walk away from him; she decided to stay the course and work on her marriage.

The song could be seen as defiant when looked at through the lenses of the experience she had just gone through. Or maybe even as tenacious but the song for me didn’t register as relevant to my situation so it was just a good ‘tune’.

Why is this morning different then? Why can’t I stop this tune from invading my private space? Why is it all of a sudden the theme tune to my day or worse still my month?

You see the artist’s situation of having to fight for a love that has let her down or betrayed her trust is something we can all give an opinion about. She decided that fighting to save her marriage was worthwhile and most admired her for it. But what if the situation was that you were fighting to save a love that has only just blossomed? What if the ‘love’ in question is more a ‘like’? Let me paint the scene.

Typical scenario of boy meets girl. Boy likes girl and vice versa. Boy decides girl is special enough to be his one and only. Girl decides boy is ‘interesting’ and wants to explore getting to know him and to see where it all goes. They become friends.  At some point in their friendship, feelings and emotions get in the mix and they become more than friends. Then they have their first fight.  Unfortunately, it’s a biggie. Girl is feeling the pressure of being little miss perfect as she believes that’s how the boy sees her and boy sees girl as being distant and uninterested.  They are at a make or break point.

In come the lyrics of the song.  At what stage do you know something is worth fighting for? No one wants to live with regret and the notion of ‘what if’ for the rest of their lives. In my scenario above, should they try to work it out? If at the beginning stages of a relationship, they are already fighting and hurting each other, is it really quitting to walk away? Or is it common sense to do so?

This is where my head is at.  I can’t see the point at which you can decide something is worth fighting for. Aren’t all things worth fighting for? The couple in my little play could end up being each other’s great loves and walking away without trying to ‘fight’ to save their new relationship is then detrimental to both. On the other hand, one could argue that fighting so much in the early stages of a relationship shows that its doomed from the start and you must save yourself by jumping ship before your emotions get anymore entangled.  So who is right?

I’ve been the main character in the above play when I was only 17 and I must confess its still a sore point for me.  Every time I remember the guy I walked away from regardless of his remorse at not sharing his birthday with me (yes very trivial but a big sticking point to me at the time) I feel a deep sense of regret.  He was perfect to me in every way. With hindsight I can see I walked away over that trivial issue because he seemed too good to be true and I needed to see a negative point about him to make him seem real.

That story didn’t have a happy ending but it does make me wonder if as people we are too quick to throw in the towel on these things. We come up with excuses and logical sounding reasons of why we do so but the bottom line is we are all scared of truly investing in someone who could up and leave tomorrow. So out of that fear, we hold back the best of ourselves from the people we encounter and only give them the side of us that we can handle them walking away from. Is that truly living? Is that truly the essence of love? I hate to admit that I’m with the artist on this one. We’ve got to fight for this love but I’m extending it to say it’s all worth fighting for. Your friendships. Your relationships with family, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend – everything. Unless the relationship is destructive to you as an individual, walking away is the easy option.

At some point we must stand and fight. How else do you reap the pleasures of real intimacy? I for one am slowing coming to the realisation that when you walk away after I show myself to you, this is not because of a fundamental flaw in me. This is not a reflection that I am not a worthwhile person to invest in. instead you simply couldn’t handle it either because of your own weakness or because you are not meant to be in my life. What doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger right? I didn’t die at 17 when I walked away from that relationship. It makes me value people more and I’m now one for communication.  Maybe the problem is you are going too fast and need to slow down. Whatever the case, no more running for me. I’m all for staying and fighting for what could be mine.

3 Comments »

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  • frontierville said:

    Grossly underrated and giving up on couches

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