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Morning Glory

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“So there you have it. I really do mean nothing to you. Thanks for showing me what I mean to you.”fight

Those are the thoughts that run through my head after yet another incident with someone who’s supposed to love me. Who has promised to take care of me. Someone who swore up and down, forwards sideways and in-between that I was all they cared about. And then they got comfortable. They realised that I was all in and that’s when the madness started.

I’m pretty sure a lot of people, particularly women, can relate to what I mean. I’m not generalising – just going off my own experience.  The guy starts off being all about you. He calls you a million times a day. He goes out of his way to come and see you. You are beyond impressed. You feel beautiful and cared for. You open up your house, your life, your memories and your heart. He sweeps you off your feet. And then – BAM! Full turnaround.  He starts calling intermittently.  He stops talking to you in sweet tones. When there’s a disagreement – no matter how slight – he is rude beyond measure and starts dropping clues that he’s re-thinking the relationship.  Just before you sign out, he does something to keep you around. To keep holding on whilst his behaviour gets worse and his willingness to do anything for you or talk to you respectfully or apologise for things he has done wrong disappear.

Every case is slightly different depending on how far in the relationship you are or how much leeway you’ve given the person.  But the stories are resoundingly similar.  And it pisses me right off. This is my way of sharing my frustration. Of venting my anger and letting you in to my disheartenment.  Hollywood has put a new movie out there with the lead – a woman – not interested in relationships.  She only wants casual relations whenever she feels the need. And for some reason, it has struck a cord with me. Why put my heart through such torment as I have for the past however long just to have the guy toy with my poor heart. I have been open, generous, loving, understanding and worse of all dependable and what do I have to show for it? Insults.  Contempt. Being kept on a string. To hell with that. Lets change this game up.

It’s about time things change in my favour. Whilst I don’t necessarily condone promiscuity, I do promote protecting your heart. At this stage of the game, I’m inclined to believe that the only way to do that is to keep it under lock and key and let no one near it. Each time I have, it has not ended well. So I’m ready to try something new. To give myself a chance at keeping a smile on my face long enough for me to feel its presence.  Unlike fighting for this love, I’m about ready to wrap it up and call it a day. Who’s with me?

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