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Day dreaming teacherBreakups are always a difficult thing to rationalise as every situation is so different and yet eeringly similar. Every relationship has its own unique trait and as such the breakup is unique. The underlying emotions however seem to be universal. That’s why we connect over music or written words that seem to have taken the words from your heart and put voice to it.

For me though, I find the causes for breakups so puzzling. What could separate two people who have found joy and love in each other? It’s such a rare thing to find someone you feel connected to – who gets you and all your eccentricities. Surely you cleave tightly to each other and never let go?

That is the most basic way I could look at it and I’m aware of that fact. Firstly, just because two people connect doesn’t assure smooth sailing. Life happens in between. The two people are also different – their backgrounds, perspectives, ambitions, intentions and desires amongst many other things are completely different no matter how much they make each other laugh. The things that make them tick and stick – all different.

But assuming it all falls into place and you meet your great love. And he/she is also at the same point as you. You both realise what a treasure you’ve found in each other and you make the decision to commit to each other only. What can make one person decide to leave. There’s been nothing major that is obvious that could, to the outside eye, cause the separation. Just one person deciding to explore different options. Why?

I find the decision to hold out for something better once you’ve made a committment to another person very puzzling and that’s where I want to focus my questioning? What made you change your mind? What caused you to decide you could do better than the person who has stood by you and supported you through your mess? I recently heard of a couple who split after 38 years of marriage simply because one party decided they want to explore other people. What about all the promises made? Do they count for nothing?

A friend of mine is currently nursing a broken heart and is inconsolable. She has been with her boyfriend for 4 years seeing him through the loss of his mother, his sister’s stint with cancer and unemployment. Yet one day he turned around to her and said he wants to date other people. What?? She is beautiful, intelligent and accomplished yet she made him feel like a king because she was In love. Jaded doesn’t describe how she’s feeling.

So that leads me back around to my questions. What could separate two people who have promised each other the world? Why should whatever reason you just thought of factor in the equation? We are all selfish by nature but surely when it comes to matters of the heart we are all about giving to the other person? Or have I got this all backward?

What is the formula for keeping your love once you find it?

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