This weekend sees the release of the movie ‘I don’t know how she does it’ which is about a banker judging work, husband and kids and the general response has been that most women can relate. Well that is if you a working mother. Anyone else seems to have no right (or at least that’s the general perception) to feel like they are juggling too many balls. And I’m at my wit’s end with the BS.

As a single lady who works in a male dominated environment, I find myself constantly having to apologise for why I’m tired or why I just can’t make that impromptu after work drink. The attitude is ‘but you don’t have kids so what’s your excuse!?’. Pardon me but since when did having kids become the only reason to feel strung out?

I must admit that when I look at my friends who are juggling a bustling career, a husband and kids, family and everything else that gets thrown at them, the word ’superwoman’ comes to mind. But I’m not making claims at being a superwoman in that sense. I am a singleton who is juggling a busy career, a family, my own self and ambitions and everything else and I shouldn’t have to apologise for moments of exhaustion simply because I would be dismissed for not having kids and a husband. I work just as hard and I have demands on my time that other women don’t have because they have kids! I get all sorts dumped on my plate because the assumption is that I can handle it as I’m the single one. Well enough! I am tired dammit. And I make no apologies for that statement. You can take it or leave it frankly. Just keep your mouth shut as you form your opinions on me and my schedule and keep it moving!

 Then it doesn’t. One party walks away. Decides actually they want to be single. “I enjoyed receiving from u but I don’t wanna give and I’ve decided to explore other options”. The other party is left devastated. Hurt. Angry. Hurt. Confused. Dejected.

 It’s a cycle I’ve seen play out over and over again. I’ve experienced it and watch others go through varying degrees of it. Yet we put ourselves through it over and over again – why??? Surely like the kid who touches a hot iron and learns the error of their actions, we should all know that this love thing is painful. Downright torturous. So why do we keep going back for more?

 I have no theories to share just an observation to make. I’ve always been of the mind to leave the love thing alone. It was safer that way. Yet I got swept off my feet by someone I thought was different. I allowed myself to forget the previous failed attempt @ finding a partner. I allowed myself believe his sweet words. His promises of forever. I believed the hype. And like with anything else that’s overrated, I felt the depths of disappointment when my expectations were flushed down the gutter.

 But now there’s someone new. Well several people as the case goes. And I find myself considering the possibility of re-engaging. Of delving into the pool @ the deepest end I can find. Now I’m no sucker for pain. I shy away from it – in fact I flee as quickly as my short legs can take me. Yet I’m pausing in my flight long enough to consider the new options presenting themselves to me.

 So what is it? I need help in figuring this out. Am I just misogynistic by nature? Or am I now one of those dreaded people who’s addicted to the pleasure that comes with having someone love u – even if it’s for a short while? Insanity – that’s what I call it. Doing the same thing and expecting a different result. But what’s a girl to do when I’m surrounded by all this fineness??? Help RWers … Save me from myself because right now, I run the danger of being burnt all over again!!

Those are the thoughts that run through my head after yet another incident with someone who’s supposed to love me. Who has promised to take care of me. Someone who swore up and down, forwards sideways and in-between that I was all they cared about. And then they got comfortable. They realised that I was all in and that’s when the madness started.

I’m pretty sure a lot of people, particularly women, can relate to what I mean. I’m not generalising – just going off my own experience.  The guy starts off being all about you. He calls you a million times a day. He goes out of his way to come and see you. You are beyond impressed. You feel beautiful and cared for. You open up your house, your life, your memories and your heart. He sweeps you off your feet. And then – BAM! Full turnaround.  He starts calling intermittently.  He stops talking to you in sweet tones. When there’s a disagreement – no matter how slight – he is rude beyond measure and starts dropping clues that he’s re-thinking the relationship.  Just before you sign out, he does something to keep you around. To keep holding on whilst his behaviour gets worse and his willingness to do anything for you or talk to you respectfully or apologise for things he has done wrong disappear.

Every case is slightly different depending on how far in the relationship you are or how much leeway you’ve given the person.  But the stories are resoundingly similar.  And it pisses me right off. This is my way of sharing my frustration. Of venting my anger and letting you in to my disheartenment.  Hollywood has put a new movie out there with the lead – a woman – not interested in relationships.  She only wants casual relations whenever she feels the need. And for some reason, it has struck a cord with me. Why put my heart through such torment as I have for the past however long just to have the guy toy with my poor heart. I have been open, generous, loving, understanding and worse of all dependable and what do I have to show for it? Insults.  Contempt. Being kept on a string. To hell with that. Lets change this game up.

It’s about time things change in my favour. Whilst I don’t necessarily condone promiscuity, I do promote protecting your heart. At this stage of the game, I’m inclined to believe that the only way to do that is to keep it under lock and key and let no one near it. Each time I have, it has not ended well. So I’m ready to try something new. To give myself a chance at keeping a smile on my face long enough for me to feel its presence.  Unlike fighting for this love, I’m about ready to wrap it up and call it a day. Who’s with me?

The awards season are officially coming to a close. The glamour. The hype. The speculation. Finally, it’s all drawing to a close and in its wake, we can confidently await the summer epics and small independent movies. This award season for me has been particularly exciting. I’ve loved it mainly because I had seen almost all the movies in the running and was quite excited about the main two – Avatar and the Hurt Locker.  The hurt locker for me was an amazing movie. I had had the chance to see it before all the buzz about it was generated and was genuinely pleased that it was getting the recognition it deserved.  Avatar, though not my favourite movie in terms of storyline, was graphically stunning and well worth a viewing.  This meant that more people were looking for the lower budget but equally stimulating movies as well as the huge blockbusters which were creating a new trend – in this case 3D viewing.

The trends that came on the waves of the award season aside, I have thoroughly enjoyed the innovation that these movies have introduced.  The introduction of 3D televisions – though grossly overpriced – has created a lot of excitement because its something new and different. You can imagine my curiosity then when I heard the term 3DX. I assumed, naively, that like the iPhone 3G and 3GS, it was a bigger, better version of the current 3D options out there.  Shock; Horror – it was not.

It seems that the excitement created over Avatar and the new world of 3D entertainment has been something that the French Porn industry has been anticipating.  And now that the movie has exceeded all expectation, be prepared to enter a new but highly disturbing world of 3DX.  Maybe its my complete reservation to porn in general and its subtle yet destructive nature to all things relational, but I’m truly uncomfortable with the idea. As 3D movies cost quite a substantial amount to make, and the avenue to view them on is not truly universally available, I can at least rest easy for a while yet before this truly becomes an issue. I am curious though to see where this leads.  If people truly would start buying into this new trend.  Worrying thought.  Deeply worrying thought.

“Don’t turn the lights off, Mummy!” the little girl says.

“What are you afraid of darling?”  Her mum asks.

“I don’t know. Monsters and stuff…”  she replies.

Monsters and stuff? It is just her poor little imagination getting the best of her.   While we know she probably has not seen any real life monsters apart from the nicely drawn characters in her cartoons, she truly believes they exist and that belief drives her fears.

As we get older we, it is easy to see why this little girl’s fears are unfounded.  We all know monsters in such a context do not exist.  If we asked a group of 10 children to sketch what they believe a monster looks like, we would get ten very different portraits.  Of course, the child with the most disturbing portrait is probably your next Stephen King.

Although there may be common themes to the children’s drawings such as ugly faces, large claws or sharp teeth, these commonalities can be attributed to the monsters described in children’s fiction rather than any child’s personal encounter with a monster.  However, explaining this to a child is an exercise in futility; for as long as a child thinks ‘monsters and stuff’ exist, then they must really exist.

Thankfully, most children eventually grow out of this phase and probably even smile when they remember how ludicrous their beliefs were.

But do we ever really grow out of the fear of monsters and stuff?  Paranormal Activity was deemed the scariest movie of 2009 but it is my understanding that no monsters or ghosts were actually depicted in this movie.  Audiences around the world became kids again, imagining things existed even though no concrete sign of existence was explicitly shown on screen.

As adults, we should know better than to be afraid of monsters and stuff but we all know this is really not a fear of evil creatures.  It is the fear of the unknown. It is the fear of trying something new.  It is the fear of starting a new relationship.  It is the fear of changing careers.  It is the fear of failing.  It is the fear of not being able to control what happens next.

The fear of the unknown without any previous experience to validate this fear can be very limiting.   Many have lived mediocre lives because they were afraid of change, afraid of what might or might not have happened if they made that change.  Others have gone as far as taking their lives because they could not bear the prospect of not knowing what would happen next.

Yet like the little girl that believed monsters existed without ever having seen one, how can we believe something may or may not happen without ever going through the experience?  And if monsters really did exist, how does the child know that leaving the lights on will scare them away if she has never been face to face with one before? The same goes for us.  How do we know the decisions we take to mitigate our fear of the unknown are the right ones if we have never even experienced what we are afraid of?

Now, this writer is not coming from a position of no fear because I am probably more afraid of the unknown than the average person.  No matter how many self-help books we read, fear is a natural human emotion which we can’t conquer.  Still, the next time you are faced with a difficult decision which brings about this fear, ask yourself; ‘Is my fear justified or am I making up monsters and stuff again?’ Though we might not be able to totally conquer our fears, but maybe, just maybe, we might be able to win one or two personal battles over fear this year.

By the way, I never got to finish the story.  After the girl tells her mum that she is afraid of monsters and stuff, her mum indulges her and replies, “Well, I can leave the lights on if you want but you should know that the tooth fairy and Santa Claus only come when the lights are off so nobody can see them.  Do you really want to miss out on all the gifts they have for you?”

The same question applies to us.  What could we be missing out on because we are leaving the lights on?

I was at a function organised by a friend and it proved to be a very interesting night! It was not a particularly large group so you got to mingle and interact with almost everyone there on some level. That for me, as interesting as it was, was not the highlight of the night. Instead, what proved to be the most fun were the conversations that took place.

When any group of people get together, as long as they are comfortable in their environment, there tends to be very interesting and often scandalous topics discussed. Tonight was no exception. Some interesting topics discussed included: ‘What kinds of temptations do men face?’ ‘Do men face more pressure (temptations) daily than women?’ ‘Is all media controlled?’ ‘Can there be boundaries set within a relationship?’

These are some of the questions debated. The one that I would like to consider for a second is the issue of temptation. The question: ‘Do men face more temptation on a daily basis than women do?’

Well this was a very interesting one. Personally, I thought it was a very easy one to answer but some seemed to believe that women face more temptations than men. My viewpoint differs and is easily laid out – Men are naturally very visual creatures and are therefore moved by what they see. This means that, for most men, there is a lot to be tempted by daily. Just consider for a second the way women dress these days. Before you attack, please hear me out and remember that I am a woman also!

Maybe we should consider the abstract first. Maybe a mental exercise is in order before I proceed. Can everyone reading just think back on a bill-board advert they’ve seen recently. It could be any but it must include people. Whatever the product on offer, the likelihood is that the picture that precedes it is usually that of a half naked woman. It could be the advert for a gym or even a TV program. Remember, men are moved by what they see. They automatically see these images and should his eyes rest on them a little longer than is necessary, it becomes imprinted in his memory and can play havoc to his systems. Women on the other hand are very different!

Whilst men are moved by what they see, women are moved by what they hear. I can testify to this. I can’t tell you how many times I have met a guy and the dude is not necessarily my type. Yet he says all the right things at the right time, he’s funny, he knows how to make me feel (by what he says and does!) just like I believe a guy should make me feel. Before I know it, I’m emotionally attached to this dude. I mean I’m completely hooked on this dude.

It all boils down to the very nature of men and women. Whoever said ‘men are from mars and women are from Venus’ was not lying. We are totally different beings and our make-ups are very significantly different. Whilst the first need of a man is sexual fulfilment, a woman’s first need is affection and love. A woman needs communication and conversation while the man needs recreational companionship. We are different which means that the pressures and temptations we face are very different. Our needs, although different, are no less important than the other. It is realising that they are not the same that makes it all work!

I’ve come to realise that what sets one man apart from the other is his level of discipline. While you could have two men walking down the road and both see the same bill-board; one might ‘pop’ his head so far back that you fear he would break his neck and the other simply walks past and is seemingly unaffected by what he just saw. The difference between the two? Discipline! I believe this is key as I feel that if a man is disciplined in this particular area of his life, he will display the same discipline in other areas of his life.

We are not just driven by our feelings and instincts. We are all programmed through experiences, acquired general knowledge and other sources on these issues. The question attempts to explore which sex faces the most temptation, in this case sexual, on a daily basis. Well after we concluded that men faced the most temptation, the next step is to tackle or suggest ways to help overcome these temptations. That is where I believe discipline comes in – and of course, the man must want to make a change and be better and not just act like an animal anytime he sees a woman wearing a short skirt or a low necked top or a billboard with a half naked woman on it.

Now I’m not saying sex is a disgusting act in itself.  No.  I am saying that I do not wish to hear all that you did behind doors, closed or open, on a Monday morning as I try to re-adjust my mind frame on the work day ahead.  In fact, on no day of the week, do I want to be privy to your conversation of how much of a sex god you are and the things you are capable of doing to your partner.

It seems to be everywhere I turn.  Not only do I have to endure the bill-boards with half naked and in some cases fully naked women on them, I merely have to turn on the TV for the assault on my senses to begin.  That is why, on my way to work or even in a restaurant, I don’t want to have to listen to whatever it is you do when the lights go down.

I once had a friend.  He loved telling me in detail everything he was doing with the different women he was doing it with.  It didn’t matter whether or not I was interested in listening; he wanted to share and so I was forced to feign interest. The thing was he would never share this information when it’s just the two of us.  No.  Someone somewhere must hear him as he divulges all the information.

That is the bit that annoys me.  Just as I don’t want to walk down the street and see two people going at it just because they can, I don’t want to listen to anyone talk about the things they are getting up to when no one is watching.  A few days back, a friend of mine was telling me he went into the pub for a drink and a group of women were standing at the bar talking about their sex toys.  He said he was so disgusted by the way they were talking, he left the pub and went somewhere else where the conversation was more to his taste.

Now I know some people somewhere are thinking ‘what’s wrong with that?’  Freedom of speech and all that.  Here’s what I think.  I believe that whatever you want to do in the privacy of your house is your business.  That’s between you and your God.  For me, I don’t want to hear it.  You have a toy at home that you use to pleasure yourself when no one else is watching.  What makes you think I want to know that?

Do women, or men for that matter, think anyone finds such talk enticing?  Is that why people do it?  Like if you talk about how good you think you are in bed, someone listening might get curious and want to find out for themselves?  I don’t understand it.  There was once a time when people considered such things vile and just rude.  Now it’s a show of your sexual prowess and might be the thing to get you laid the next time round.

I don’t know if I’m the only one who finds this utterly ridiculous.  I would hate to be the woman on that bus sitting there with her 6 yr old having to listen to some person talk about things that make even the vilest of creatures cringe.  Surely a little consideration should come into play.  By all means, tell your friends what you’ve been getting up to.  Just do it someplace where the rest of us don’t have to listen to you ramble on and exaggerate all the things that actually happened.

I’m not trying to tell you how you should conduct yourself in public.  What I am saying is be prepared if you are going to air your dirty laundry in public, to get some dirty water splashed in your face.  No one should have to endure your tales.

OK, Can I have a moment to lament here people? My grievance is one of a personal matter (giving nothing away of course!) but I need some assistance in answering a question that has been coming up in some of my conversations of late.  The question I’m posing today is this:  What do you do when the person you like never calls you?

That’s right folks.  You like someone, really like someone, but the thing is the person doesn’t ever call you.  You guys are acquainted, or in some cases maybe even friends, but calling you is not something that is regular practice with this person.

Some might stand back and ask – Why don’t you call them?  Fair point, but for the female population, and even the male ones, stalking has never been an attractive trait to possess.

The other question someone else might ask is does this mean the person doesn’t like you back if they don’t call you?  I know I for one am guilty of this.  I rarely ever call people – even those closest to me.  My family and friends are forever complaining that I don’t call them.  No matter how many times I repent and beg their forgiveness, I just don’t call.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t care; in fact I’m forever thinking of all the people I should call but I never seem to get the chance to do so.

Somehow though, it seems different when it relates to someone you have a crush on.  If you really like the person, it seems when they don’t call you, you automatically feel it is a sign of rejection.  A sign that they are not feeling for you what you are feeling for them.  You start feeling dejected and often times can’t make sense of why this person just won’t call you.

For men, this might work differently.  You are the ones expected to do the chasing, majority of the time.  For women, well some women, you are the ones wanting to be chased.  This means that either way, there is someone somewhere waiting for a call that might not come.  It could be the guy who is always calling a girl he likes but she never returns the favour.  Or it could be the woman who is sitting by the phone, waiting for the guy she likes to think of her and actually dial her number in the hopes of engaging her in conversation.

Back then to the question.  What do you do when the person you like never calls you?  For me, this is a sore topic so I think I’ll step back but really what does a person do in such a case?  Do you take the lead, male or female, and call them?  What then happens if they don’t pick up and then don’t call you back?  That adds to the feeling of rejection.

Is calling someone a sign of your interest in that person?  I for one know that at the very basic level it shows that you’re interested in getting to know them better.  In the event that I like that person, it indicates that the person might just feel the same way about me.

So what then is the conclusion?  Is calling the only way to show interest?  Does not calling show the person’s true feelings towards you?  I don’t know the answer but it sure would be interesting to pick people’s brains.

I know I hate liking someone and they never call me.  I also know I don’t call those closest to me; people I love and that’s due to the pressures of my daily activities and schedule.  So is there a balance and if so, what is it?  I get so frustrated waiting for the phone to ring but I know I’m no better in that respect.  So I make a proposition.  I propose that a law be passed that says that if you like someone, you call or text them even if it’s just a hello.  It indicates your interest and opens the door to start getting to know each other better.  Anyone with me?

I’ve been feeling quite blah for about a week or two. Last month, I had a lot of good happen to me. I was constantly smiling and my friends were always having to listen to me go on about another great thing that had happened to me. It was an hourly thing; it seemed every hour on the hour something good, no matter how small or trivial, was happening.

Somehow though, at the back of my mind, regardless of all the things I seem to have going for me, there were some things that seemed to stick out.  Things that I had wanted for so long and having been expectant for as long as I have been, somehow, from somewhere, everything just blew up in my face.  I woke up one morning, unconscious to the fact that I had put a time limit on the things I was hoping for, the slightest hitch or screw-up pushed me over the edge.

That was when I started experiencing that ‘blah’ feeling. It was also at this point that I discovered the dangerous heights of unfulfilled hope. As in any situation, when you hope for something or your expectations have been raised about something, even the slightest glitch could cause it all to come crashing down. It could be at Christmas, waiting for a gift that has been sent from a distant relative. Upon opening the gift, instead of having a feeling of euphoria as you were expecting to have, all you feel is ‘blah’.  Even if you had no idea what the gift was; even if you weren’t expecting anything or you were but don’t know what you’re expecting, you still wanted to be blown away. Instead, upon opening the parcel, you’re not blown away; you’re not even slightly impressed.

It can send anyone into the pits of depression; it nearly did with me.  Raised expectations or hope (could be the same thing) are really quite dangerous when they are not fulfilled within the time you expected that they would be. It could be a crush you had. You had fantasised about the person before you got to know them and in your mind, they are the ideal person for you. But then you get to know them, and you find out that they are just as imperfect as you and then, that ‘blah’ feeling rears its ugly head again and bites you in the butt.
We are all different so the ways we react to things are different. One constant I have found for me is that when that ‘blah’ feeling threatens to eclipse every area of my life and send me spiralling into new depths of despair, getting away from it all and re-focusing really helps. I start to think about any good thing that has ever happened to me. Even though at this time I tend to develop amnesia and can’t seem to remember any of the good things, what I then do is enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member to remind me. I also shift the focus off myself.
In addition, I find that allowing myself time to grieve my loss (that’s what it feels like) is healthy so I do but I always remind myself that though it feels like the end, it isn’t all over yet! Hope is good. To hope is to live but failed hopes can destroy you. I’ve come to realise that the reason why we feel so ‘blah’ is because we feel helpless and can’t control whatever has happened and that leaves us vulnerable which of course is never a good place to be.

This life is a mystery that we are all attempting to uncover with every step of our journey. A wise person once said ‘A wise person learns through other person’s mistakes. A fool learns through his own’. I’ve learnt the hard way (but I ain’t no fool!) that allowing the little things to cause you to wallow in self pity and compromise yourself only fails you. What you can rely on to work is allowing yourself time to take in the pain, then re-group
and think what the next course of action should be and then carry it through. It’s never easy but who ever said it would be? Dwelling on what we’ve lost causes us to look sight of what we are yet to gain. Personally, I’m not about to let that happen. Are you?!

Summer’s always a fun season because you can be guaranteed to find a couple fighting on a street corner.  The poor guy, having fallen prey and then gotten caught staring at a scantily dressed female, is getting an earful from his other half.  Attempting to defend himself, he ends up making things worse.  Where does it end?

I often witness fights that stem from one party, usually the guy, staring at the mumerous females lining the street in the summer wearing nothing but their bra and panties.  Surely one can understand how this could prove tempting to the man who is a visual creature and having to contend with all the different flavours laid bare in front of him.

Don’t get me wrong.  This is not behaviour I condone.  But let’s look at it from the guy’s perspective for once.

It’s a nice summer’s day, one that’s rare if you live in England.  The sun is out and you are restless just wanting to soak it in and have fun.  Whatever.  The point is – the sun is out.  You put on your tee-shirt and jeans and get in your car with the top down and go for a drive.  On your way, you call your girlfriend or wife and decide to pick her up so you guys can have a nice day out together.

After picking her up, you decide to go to a location of her choice to do whatever she pleases – as long as its outside.  On your way, you get stopped at the traffic light.  As you wait for the lights to change, a pretty yet half naked girl crosses the road in front of your car.  Now you have the top down so you get a full view of her walking slowly past your car.  Because she is wearing next to nothing and the little she has on is see-through, you just can’t help but stare in amazement.

As you were caught unaware and was not intentionally meaning to stare, you did not anticipate the dirty slap you felt against the back of your head.  It came from your woman and she is mad as hell at you.

She is furious and questioning how you could possibly disrespect her like that.  She is close to tears just wondering what would make you stare as you did.  All the while you are sitting there reeling from the pain and shock of her attack.  You are baffled because you only looked for a minute.

I’m guessing everyone reading this gets the general picture.  Who is to blame?  By the way, the couple in question (and this is a true story by the way!) are still stopped at the traffic light holding everyone else up while they have their domestic.

Like I said, I don’t condone such behaviour but surely you can understand it.  Shouldn’t some blame though be placed on the girl who caused this argument?  She’s the one who left her house forgetting to put some clothes on.  The guy was just responding as a hundred others would have done.  He didn’t mean any disrespect – his eye sight was violated and he ended up paying the price.

OK so I hear the ladies everywhere screaming that the fact the girl was wearing close to nothing doesn’t mean the guy has to look.  I agree.  But how many times have you been walking down the street with your man and seen a fine looking guy in a nice car drive past.  Did you not strain your neck just to catch a glimpse?

Are you justified then because you are the woman and “it’s not the same for women”?  If that’s the case, then you can understand that men and women are made up differently and guys are moved by what they see.  So if girlfriend is strutting her stuff across the street, expect him to look.

Slow your roe.  I’m not saying that’s the way it should be.  I’m merely stating that there can be no double standards at play here.  Let’s get back to the couple and their dilemma.

Every relationship out there must be built on a foundation of love, trust and respect.  If there is no respect in a relationship, there is bound to be abuse.  If your woman doesn’t respect you, she would constantly cuss you out in front of your friends and anyone who would listen.

It’s the same with this issue.  A friend of mine once told me that for the sake of his relationship, he would never openly stare at other women; no matter their state of undress.  The key word here is OPENLY.  He claims that if he really wants to look, he would make a comment that would make his partner comfortable such as “Why would anyone leave her house looking like that?” Meaning they would both look at the perpetrator albeit for different reasons.

We, unfortunately, live in a world that is driven by sex and the works.  You can’t tie your man in the house though and say he can’t go out in the summer.  Neither can you predict how others are going to dress or behave.  The only factor you can control is you.

That is to say you can control the way you react when caught in a car and your man is checking out a girl across the street.  Instead of slapping him across the face, why not make your feelings known in a way that won’t hold up traffic?

Men and women alike need to be conscious of the feelings and emotions of those you claim to love and care about.  The value you place on that person is not reflected in your reaction to a half naked woman on the street or even the latest poster of Beyonce or Denzel when you openly stare and drool over them.

Maybe the principles we should be embracing are not those society at large deems acceptable but the one that puts the other person first.  Someone once told me that love is giving and serving.  That is to say that if you love someone, you constantly want to make him or her happy by giving of yourself.

So would it make your woman happy to see you drooling over another?  Would it make your man happy to feel the sting of your slaps?  You don’t have to think too long to come up with an answer.  The only solution that would work for both sides might be to start putting the other person first.  Before you do something detrimental to your relationship, stop and think if the person for whom you’re sacrificing it all for is really worth it?

Those few moments of looking might just cost you more than your relationship.  Summer is a season where people seem to let loose and in the process, forget to put on clothes.  While not everyone pays attention to it, guys and girls must learn the basic principles involved in maintaining a healthy relationship.  Love, trust and R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  So respect yourself and stop staring and respect your partner by not hitting.  Trust is severed if you do nothing but check out other people all day under the ridiculous guise of summer!  Love is nothing without these two factors so give a little and who knows?  You might gain it all in the process!