Coming in during one of her sets after rushing to get there, our first thoughts were ‘WoW’ what a voice. You see the day had been crazy busy but the excitement had been slowly bubbling underneath the crazy madness. We wanted to hear what Lánre sounded like because though she has been around for several years, it would be difficult to uniquely identify her voice. She was part of a group when last we met her and she was the funky but quiet member.  She has always been warm with her creativity flowing through in every interaction but it was not till tonight that the realisation of her intense yet soft voice really hit us.

Her image is a mix of Erykah Badu meets Sade meets Lisa McClendon but her style is distinctively her own. Wearing a tank top with African style Aladdin pants and high heels (if you can picture that!), she was definitely the star of the night. She dominated the stage which though full of people, seemed to contain her alone. Her style was eclectic yet inviting – a blend of Africa, classic new York and the British summertime. Sounds like a contrast yet it worked so incredibly well.

The album was launched through a concert.  The audience was delighted with a blend of soul, jazz and blues, but the night was ultimately about Lánre and her album launch. In her own words, the audience was given a full description of her heritage and her use of Yoruba (one of 250 languages spoken in Nigeria, West Africa from where she hails) to tell stories. She is on a journey and that much is obvious. But what makes this beautiful lady tick? What would her music have to say that is not just fun to listen to but also relatable? Who is Lánre?

Speaking to the lady herself during the break in the first set, we tried to get a sense of the woman behind the lights.  Enjoy..

RW: Describe your musical style.

I am not sure what it is or how to describe stylistically what I do but I guess if you have to it would be African Folk, Acoustic Soul, Storytelling.

RW: A wide range. Who would you describe as your musical influences?

I grew like most people listening to my dad playing music by Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley and then Fela. Later when I became a Christian and I started singing in choirs I started listening to music by Amy Grant, Bebe & Cece Yolanda Adams, and Fred Hammond. A few years ago, I [then] started listening to  musicians and songwriters like India Arie, Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill and more recently discovering Voy Vance, Lizz Wright, Jason Mraz so I guess I am influenced by all these musicians in some way or another.

RW: Tell us about the journey of creating your album

I have always written poems and short stories but [had] never played an instrument until eighteen months ago when I started to take lessons and then started writing songs. I started going out to open mic venues and playing the songs and seeing what works and what doesn’t. I then went to Goz-i-am who is an amazing producer and together we came up with what musicians we wanted to play on the record, the sound we thought best worked with the songs I had written and I’ve been blessed to work with amazing musicians like Femi Temowo, Troy Miller, Pedro Segundo and Jimmi Clarke on this project.

RW: Wow – a diverse bunch. What would you say is the theme of the album?

The Album is called Pen Voyage Chapter 1: Singing for Change. The idea behind it is to show the journey of my pen as a song writer  and the  other part is writing songs and music about issues that are  close to my heart, some songs are questions unresolved, some are hoping to see change (starting with me) and some are just stories that I hope inspires.

RW: What do u want to leave the listeners with?

I see myself as a storyteller and I just like to write songs that inspire people in some way or another.

RW: The first song performed tonight tells us of your grandfather’s words to you years ago. The variety of instruments used combined the western with the African. You are immediately transported to the scene the music lovingly details for you. This is truly an invitation in a world beyond our own and yet so distinctly relatable. We couldn’t help but want more. What made you decide to open yourself up so fully in this song?

Ma Gbagbe is what I call a travellers’ song and it’s one of the songs I wrote thinking of my grandfather. He was huge on prayers and he had a way of always reminding us, the grand children of our heritage and how important family is. So that song was just me saying to myself not to forget who I am as I go seeking greener pastures and I guess singing the song does remind me of my grandfather and the emotion in the song comes through as I play it.

RW: You included your old band mates in your set tonight. Tell us a little more about that.

GK REAL is a huge part of my journey and when we decided to go on a break, I took on guitar lessons and started to write some of the songs that have now become a part of my new record. The show ‘Premier Gospel presents Live’ is the first time most people would probably see me perform live with a full band and having my second family on stage with me on the night just seems like a perfect thing to do. Also it was good to show people that GK REAL is simply on a break not broken up as some people thought.

RW: Inspiration is simply a beautiful song. Very uplifting and vocally rich it was captivating. What is your inspiration?

Thank you. I am inspired by great story tellers like my dad, my grandfather. I also love reading a lot; I love the work of Chimamanda Adichie, Jodi Picoult. I wrote a song after I read The Shack by William Young. I am inspired by creative singers and songwriters like India Arie, Foy Vance, Regina Spektor, Justin Nozuka and Asa.

RW: Your song – Taste of freedom: tell us more about it.

Taste of Freedom is a song I wrote about my journey to finding my voice. When I say voice I mean physically as well as metaphorically i.e. my purpose. When you have been part of a church choir or a collective as most have been, it can sometimes put pressure on you to sound a certain way or sing in a particular style to feel accepted into the ‘fold’ if you like. So you learn a song (which is almost usually a cover) to sing in church on a Sunday and you are expected to learn and sing all the riffs and the ad-lib like the original and anything else is not regarded as good enough. Or as a creative person you are expected to know and define yourself by a particular genre and you just can’t leave it at “I am a singer songwriter” it has to be what sort of singer are you? I tried to use a couple of verses to explain the journey of finally finding my voice and to me, that’s freedom.

RW: what have u got planned for the rest of the year to leave your mark?

Well going out sharing the songs, getting better at playing the guitar, sell some records, meet interesting people and hopefully get them to think differently.

After extensively touring as a member of the award winning contemporary gospel collective GK REAL, Lánre British singer/songwriter of Nigerian heritage embarks on her own personal musical journey with her acoustic guitar.

Lánre has spent the past eighteen months playing her songs in cafés, bars and various charity events all over London.

She was one of the eleven UK singers and songwriters selected to be part of the Prezzo live tour; performing at various UK restaurants of the Italian chain.

Her music can be best described as acoustic soul with influences from her African heritage of storytelling and folk music along with her background in gospel music.

Lánre has taken her Singing for Change acoustic tour to various venues and events like the Greenbelt Festival, Edinburgh Fringe Festival on the Royal Mile and Toronto Canada.

Her debut solo album Pen Voyage Chapter One: Singing for Change is out on the 30th of September 2011.

For more information, please click here.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes decades of time together strewn with a minefield of potential relationship wreckers. It’s a wonder that anyone ends up walking off into the sunset, hand-in-wrinkled-hand, with a silver-haired mate. What do those geriatric lovebirds know that you don’t?

Well, the truth is that even in so-called happy marriages, both partners probably fantasize some of the time—or even much of the time—about throwing in the towel. A 2009 Woman’s Day and AOL Living poll found that a shocking 72% of women surveyed have considered leaving their husbands at some point. But despite the occasional rocky patch, 71% expected to be with their husbands for the rest of their lives. So how do you make it to the finish line with your relationship intact?

Each decade will have its own drama, be it child-rearing, layoffs, second careers, and middle-aged angst, along with a big helping of the in-sickness-and-in-health stuff. Here’s how to have a healthy relationship every step of the way.

1. Watch your waistline

Now that you’re married, you can finally relax and skip the gym, right? Wrong. Wedded couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can spell trouble in terms of sexual attraction and general health.

A 2007 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that your chances of becoming obese increase by 37% if your spouse becomes obese. So unless you want “till death do us part” to include chronic health issues like heart disease and diabetes, it’s important to establish healthy eating habits early on. But warding off weight gain isn’t as simple as whipping up a healthy meal together. Eating with anyone—from your spouse to coworker—can cause you to consume 33% more than you would solo.

Being aware of the potential fatty pitfalls of marital bliss may be enough to keep your portion sizes in check. Spend couple time checking out local farmers’ markets on the weekends in an effort to consumer fresher, low-calorie fare. Or schedule an exercise date to work off some of your hearty, homemade dinners.

2. Have a financial plan

Nearly 40% of married people admit to lying to their spouse about a purchase, according to a 2004 poll, and money woes can quickly send your marriage south. In fact, money is the number-one reason couples fight, and relationships tend to suffer during poor economies. You should discuss and agree upon some hard financial ground rules, preferably before you tie the knot.

Don’t fret if you’re a spendthrift and your partner pinches pennies. “It’s probably not a good thing to have the exact same philosophy about money, ” says Ken Robbins, M.D., a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. “But financial issues are best to resolve early on. You want to decide who is going to pay the bills, how much discretionary spending is reasonable, and how you’re going to keep track of it all.”

(Continue reading on CNN…)

To put it all in context I must explain that prior to this relationship, everything else was classed as an ‘encounter’. My first real ‘boyfriend’ was at the age of 17 and after his no-good trifling self everyone else had to be content with no official title. I simply encountered them, took the moments for whatever they were and kept it moving. There was the ‘I just got out of a relationship but really like you’ encounter. Then I had the ‘instant chemistry but unsustainable in the real world’ encounter. Oh and I can’t forget the ‘I have three kids with three different baby mamas (by 21!) but need to have you girl’ encounter. None were ever given their official titles whatever those were. But my last ‘boyfriend’ was more than an encounter. He was the ‘I want forever with you girl. Let’s rock the waves of life together’ world domination type. He steam rolled into my world and I gave everything.  From my numerous connections to my awesome friendships to career enhancement tools – I was Miss giving.

Then it ended. It wasn’t pretty. But then again the end of things that are meant to be forever aren’t pretty. I retreated. All my opinions on how things would work were thrown out of the window. I didn’t have the energy to spread his faults around town (and I didn’t want to). I didn’t burn his clothes or have my boys threaten him. I simply retreated. I found solace in my amazing network of friends. And I still loved him. I found that love is not so easy to switch off from no matter how angry/disgusted/infuriated by someone you are. So I tried to find my peace whilst being outwardly polite whenever the occasion arose. I chose not to defame him. I helped preserve his dignity where ever I could and found a way to separate the actions from the man.

See what I mean!!!! It’s pure craziness. Had it been someone else going through my situation I KNOW my advice would have been ‘burn his clothes girl – right now!’ ‘Put his trifling self out to air on every social network tool you can’ ‘help other sisters know to stay away because he is unstable as hell!’  But I did not do any of that. Worse still the desire to do it simply wouldn’t appear!

Well that is till I found out he still wanted all the perks he got through the relationship. Like the encouraging words. Like my amazing friends. Nothing unleashes the beast in me like someone not knowing when to take what they’ve been given and get gone! You see I know I don’t own anyone even if you met them through me. I don’t lay claims to anyone but me. But if you decide you don’t want me in your life, I don’t believe you have a right to anything you gained whilst you had access. Period! Keep it moving. The perks only come as part of a packaged deal. You signed the contract and now you’ve reneged, so you don’t get to keep the car, the house or anything else. No sir! You walk out with what you came in with. Yessir! I’m having none of it. I don’t care if it sounds selfish or even childish. I’m willing to be respectful, polite and whatever else. But that you do not get to have that.  Nope!

It was in contemplating this that I realised that even with all the opinions I came in with, this was the only one that I hadn’t considered till it hit me full force in the face. I know how shallow we can all be (yes even you!). We all think we know everything about everything because it happened to your mum’s sister’s best friend’s daughter’s colleague. But till you experience something for yourself, you just don’t know how you’re going to handle it. I have surprised even myself with the integrity with which I have handled myself. This one issue isn’t something I’m ashamed of and maybe time would make me softer about it. But till then, I’m willing to admit that my previous opinions were nothing more than air! And before you judge me, check yourself.  What actions have you taken that have contradicted your previous stance? Be honest now!

This weekend sees the release of the movie ‘I don’t know how she does it’ which is about a banker judging work, husband and kids and the general response has been that most women can relate. Well that is if you a working mother. Anyone else seems to have no right (or at least that’s the general perception) to feel like they are juggling too many balls. And I’m at my wit’s end with the BS.

As a single lady who works in a male dominated environment, I find myself constantly having to apologise for why I’m tired or why I just can’t make that impromptu after work drink. The attitude is ‘but you don’t have kids so what’s your excuse!?’. Pardon me but since when did having kids become the only reason to feel strung out?

I must admit that when I look at my friends who are juggling a bustling career, a husband and kids, family and everything else that gets thrown at them, the word ’superwoman’ comes to mind. But I’m not making claims at being a superwoman in that sense. I am a singleton who is juggling a busy career, a family, my own self and ambitions and everything else and I shouldn’t have to apologise for moments of exhaustion simply because I would be dismissed for not having kids and a husband. I work just as hard and I have demands on my time that other women don’t have because they have kids! I get all sorts dumped on my plate because the assumption is that I can handle it as I’m the single one. Well enough! I am tired dammit. And I make no apologies for that statement. You can take it or leave it frankly. Just keep your mouth shut as you form your opinions on me and my schedule and keep it moving!

For me though, I find the causes for breakups so puzzling. What could separate two people who have found joy and love in each other? It’s such a rare thing to find someone you feel connected to – who gets you and all your eccentricities. Surely you cleave tightly to each other and never let go?

That is the most basic way I could look at it and I’m aware of that fact. Firstly, just because two people connect doesn’t assure smooth sailing. Life happens in between. The two people are also different – their backgrounds, perspectives, ambitions, intentions and desires amongst many other things are completely different no matter how much they make each other laugh. The things that make them tick and stick – all different.

But assuming it all falls into place and you meet your great love. And he/she is also at the same point as you. You both realise what a treasure you’ve found in each other and you make the decision to commit to each other only. What can make one person decide to leave. There’s been nothing major that is obvious that could, to the outside eye, cause the separation. Just one person deciding to explore different options. Why?

I find the decision to hold out for something better once you’ve made a committment to another person very puzzling and that’s where I want to focus my questioning? What made you change your mind? What caused you to decide you could do better than the person who has stood by you and supported you through your mess? I recently heard of a couple who split after 38 years of marriage simply because one party decided they want to explore other people. What about all the promises made? Do they count for nothing?

A friend of mine is currently nursing a broken heart and is inconsolable. She has been with her boyfriend for 4 years seeing him through the loss of his mother, his sister’s stint with cancer and unemployment. Yet one day he turned around to her and said he wants to date other people. What?? She is beautiful, intelligent and accomplished yet she made him feel like a king because she was In love. Jaded doesn’t describe how she’s feeling.

So that leads me back around to my questions. What could separate two people who have promised each other the world? Why should whatever reason you just thought of factor in the equation? We are all selfish by nature but surely when it comes to matters of the heart we are all about giving to the other person? Or have I got this all backward?

What is the formula for keeping your love once you find it?

Sitting on an overcrowded slow running train on my way to work, I open the paper only to close it in frustration. The headline “… Review angers senior MPs” captured my attention and reading further, the content angered me. The summary of the text was that MPs were angry that they might face a battle for their seats at the next election.  Did I miss something? Just the night before I read that the bank of America will be cutting 30000 jobs in the next 2-3 years. Yet the fact that MPs will have to convince their constituents that they are the best for the job and earn their seat causes havoc? Ridiculous!

I have no sympathy at all. These same people do nothing (in my humble opinion) for the very constituents they are supposed to represent. I have written my local MP many times for different things. The last letter I received was worded along the lines of ‘thanks for contacting me with an issue that the whole community has complained about. However to save myself I will be doing nothing. Thanks again – do please let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you’. Useless. We had a petition signed by nearly the whole population in our borough about something that affected us all locally. Yet the defendant (one major property developer) won simply because our MP didn’t give us a voice. That might be on a local level but they are all to be tainted with the same brush. I say the reform is welcome. I’ve been rather basic in my opinion but this isn’t a political article debating the intricacies. Rather I’m frustrated at the fact that everything from train fares to electricity costs are rising with no changes being made to the facilities I’m paying so heavily for. The reform in parliament is the least of our worries. Do some work I say and spare a thought for those you are supposed to be representing rather than the current ’save yourself’ mentality. The re shuffling of constituencies is the least on any ones mind. If you are doing what you’re supposed to, you will have no issues keeping your seat or gaining a new one.

In the current climate of uncertainty, it is very difficult to empathise with politicians who have spent too much time talking and not enough time figuring a way out of the mess. instead of rewarding the very institutions that got us into this mess and taxing the everyday man at every turn, a realistic plan of action is needed. One that doesn’t just benefit those it has always favoured.

My boss must have thought I had lost my mind when the big YES that accidentally (yet very loudly!) escaped from my lips that first time took her by surprise.  You see, I was already over the breakup.  I had already seen that being with someone who doesn’t want you does neither party any good.  I could see he had moved on. So why was I the sucka crying every night missing someone who didn’t miss me? NAH! I had dried my eyes and found my happy again.  Then that song!

You see, I’m someone who has always been comfortable in my own skin and believe that love will find me whenever the time is right. I wasn’t in a rush to enter a serious relationship and I sure wasn’t looking for anyone when he found his way into my life and heart. But I jumped in with both feet. I worked hard at the relationship. I gave it my all and though Lord knows we were both flawed, I was willing to learn and grow with him.  That was until he decided he preferred any other option but me.   The loving he was getting wasn’t enough and after making me feel like I was worth less than dirt, he made his exit. I was left shattered.

As with anything else I have to deal with, I first turned inward to examine myself and deal with my shattered heart. I don’t love easy so when I do, I love hard. I tolerated things I would NEVER have thought I would. The few friends who knew the whole story were shocked at how much I let him in and the power I let him have over my mind, body and everything else. It was definitely an experience.

I find music can reach into the depths of me and put words or emotions to my state of mind at the most unexpected of times.  And so it was the day I stumbled on the song in question. It was so apt. I was at the time finally seeing the good in goodbye. I was understanding that it takes two to make a relationship work and you just can’t go about it on your own. I was exhausted after my relationship ended more so because I felt like I had failed. I was fully committed to something and gave everything to see it succeed only for the other person to turn around and tell me I am just not enough. It was pain like I had never felt. I wanted to curl up somewhere and never get up.

But I did get up. I carried on with my day-to-day. I put a smile on my face and made myself focus on the things that needed doing. Somewhere along the way, I found reasons to smile again. I found my confidence and I developed pride in the way I had conducted myself right to the end. I saw that it was indeed his loss. My sense of worth that his words had stripped me off were restored and more by the numerous people who knew me and the new ones who saw beauty in me and wanted to explore.

Looking back, I see that I had a lot to learn and I made my mistakes too. But I didn’t deserve what I was left with. I’ve heard it said that anger eventually burns itself out and when it did, I was able to deal with the other emotions that were floating around in me threatening to break me and leave me embittered.  But no one has the right to make me something I’m not. I am not angry, bitter, and worthless or anything other nonsense I was feeling. Thank God he blew it or I would never have realised my capacity for tolerating the unacceptable (so I can fix it!). In it all I found that my capacity to love is bigger than everything – shocking considering how guarded I had been in the past.

Considering that Beyonce is beautiful, talented and ruling the world, its hard to imagine her ever feeling as rejected as I did or as hurt. But thank God someone somewhere found a way to put words to my (and numerous other people’s) feelings out there. Different situations but same emotions. From the guy who got some other chick pregnant while with you or the chick who was passing herself out among the fellas whilst you ‘kept’ her – none deserves your tears.  You must find a way to see that you dodged a bullet because if they weren’t for you, you don’t want them anyway.  Whoever he (or she!) is, I bet it sucks to be them right now.

Find your happy people…

Or maybe it’s something a bit more public.

You upload recent vacation photos to Facebook at 10p.m. and by 10:05, you’re notified of multiple comments on your recent flicks. “Cute,” “Looking good,” or “You went on vacation without me? lol.”

It’s him. You know him. The guy you dated once upon a time and he mysteriously disappeared. No rhyme or reason, he’s just gone. Women are all too familiar with the disappearing act some men like to pull, but even more mysterious is the reappearing act. As quickly as he stopped calling, texting and lost all ability to respond to any calls or texts, he’s back. Some reemerge after a few weeks, others it’s months.

Your sense of confusion may quickly turn to feelings of “Ah yeah, I knew he’d be back.”

But as tempting as it may be to relish in his returned attention, don’t.

Psst: I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Come a little closer to your screen. When he disappeared, it was for a reason and now that he’s back, it’s for a reason.

(Continue reading @ Clutch…)

 Then it doesn’t. One party walks away. Decides actually they want to be single. “I enjoyed receiving from u but I don’t wanna give and I’ve decided to explore other options”. The other party is left devastated. Hurt. Angry. Hurt. Confused. Dejected.

 It’s a cycle I’ve seen play out over and over again. I’ve experienced it and watch others go through varying degrees of it. Yet we put ourselves through it over and over again – why??? Surely like the kid who touches a hot iron and learns the error of their actions, we should all know that this love thing is painful. Downright torturous. So why do we keep going back for more?

 I have no theories to share just an observation to make. I’ve always been of the mind to leave the love thing alone. It was safer that way. Yet I got swept off my feet by someone I thought was different. I allowed myself to forget the previous failed attempt @ finding a partner. I allowed myself believe his sweet words. His promises of forever. I believed the hype. And like with anything else that’s overrated, I felt the depths of disappointment when my expectations were flushed down the gutter.

 But now there’s someone new. Well several people as the case goes. And I find myself considering the possibility of re-engaging. Of delving into the pool @ the deepest end I can find. Now I’m no sucker for pain. I shy away from it – in fact I flee as quickly as my short legs can take me. Yet I’m pausing in my flight long enough to consider the new options presenting themselves to me.

 So what is it? I need help in figuring this out. Am I just misogynistic by nature? Or am I now one of those dreaded people who’s addicted to the pleasure that comes with having someone love u – even if it’s for a short while? Insanity – that’s what I call it. Doing the same thing and expecting a different result. But what’s a girl to do when I’m surrounded by all this fineness??? Help RWers … Save me from myself because right now, I run the danger of being burnt all over again!!